Latest Tweets:
Oh wow! I don’t know what to say. I never thought that someday I would finish grading in such record time. First, I’d like to thank God. I know you probably had nothing to do with this, except that every time one of my students mentioned you in his or her persuasive essay I could instantly stop reading the paragraph, because I told them repeatedly to leave religion out of the argument. Thank you for being such a handy default for people who don’t want to try and rely on any kind of logic in their rhetoric. “God,” as they call you, you’re a peach. I’d also like to thank the educational system, because I feel a ton of pressure to pass these students, but you’ve granted me tenure and therefore cannot just fire my ass for not giving passing grades to students who cannot follow a basic writing formula for a five paragraph essay. Some people say that ‘tenure’ is a bad thing, but I have to say it is what keeps me going and giving honest grades on relative tripe that shouldn’t even be passable in a fourth grade classroom. Finally, I’d like to thank all of my students. I couldn’t have done this without you. If half of you hadn’t decided that writing an essay worth half your credit for this unit just wasn’t worth your time, I would probably still be glued to my green pen, rather than enjoying a delicious glass of chardonnay. Your laziness has saved me hours of additional grading. It is you, current underachievers and future voters of America, who keep me grading — or not grading as the case may be — every day. Thank you all, again.”
m.
