Latest Tweets:
“You are a senior, with 90 credits. Just shut up and go back to sleep.”
“If you are so convinced that there are so many people making thousands of dollars a week without having finished high school, do us all a favor and drop out.”
“I am amazed you are capable of breathing on your own, much less dressing yourself in the morning. Thank you for not causing a traffic jam by meandering into oncoming cars as you stumbled to school today.”
“You learn more when you’re sleeping. No, really. Try it.”
“Were hastily scrawled pictures of boobs and dicks the assignment, you would still get an F. Your complete inability to accurately depict either makes me wonder how difficult it was for your mother to figure out what to bubble when enrolling you in this fine educational institution.”
“That isn’t how a pencil works.” Alternate: “It works better when you sharpen the end that isn’t an eraser.”
“It’s okay that you refuse to vote. Once you commit your first felony, the government won’t allow you to anyway.”
“Does it read ‘Cinema Cal’ across my forehead? No? That means I am not a theater. Watch movies on your own time; in this class we read.”
“Stop talking about Vicodin. Vicodin is for pussies.”
Disclaimer: Out of 100+ students, these statements really apply to about seven. With most students I don’t have to stifle myself, because I can honestly say “You’re doing great work. Keep it up.”
